Saturday, January 13, 2007

Just another piece of paper?

For today's IT world, we still have a lot of pieces of 'Papers'.

Recently, I was speaking to a close friend of mine, funnily we both met our husband in this dodgy little bar, in a little corner of the CBD of Auckland, called 'Margarita'. She's been married for a while now, and obviously so have I, the differences I guess are that; I've got kids and she doesn't; She's got an affectionate husband and I don't; She wants to move to NZ, but can't and I can go back anytime I want, well sort of, not financially anyway. Anyhow, other than we both met our match at the same dodgy bar; we are both Malaysian Chinese married to a GuaiLo/AngMo/MatSalleh/Pakeha; we are from the same little town called Sitiawan. Being brought up in a little town has it's pros and cons. One of it's con is that, everyone knows everyone, and no one seems to have much to do but to gossip! And definitely doesn't help with the 'old' conservative thinking, so more to gossip about.

Back to the topic... Is marriage just another piece of paper among the piles of papers we already have? Do we stay in a marriage becoz of that piece of paper? OR is it becoz of our vows? OR is it becoz of our parents, especially the Asian side? OR is it becoz it's our comfort zone? Anyone in a marriage would tell you that it isn't easy, being in a mixed marriage is even harder, with the difference in culture and up bringing. I think alot of Asian marriages are held up by obligation to the 'family'. Divorce although is very common now-a-days, still it is a disgrace to the 'family' in the Asian society, and it's always the women's fault: "She is not good, that's why the husband don't want her"; "The parents never raised her up properly" hm.. er.. can't clap with one hand, ok ?? I don't think a lot of 'white ppl' would understand why a marriage between 2 ppl has to do with everyone else in the family, especially the female side and I mean the WHOLE 'family' including the grandparents, the aunts and the uncles!! BUT I'm telling you it does!!!

Are there any other couples out there that feels totally repulsed being touched by the husband ?? I went thru that stage! Is that's normal.. ?? Could it had been pregnancy hormones??? It's getting better now.. least my hair doesn't stand every time he touches or kisses me. I know there is "the 7th year itch", is there a 4th year thing?? Now that it's 5 years, oh my goodness, 5 YEARS!!!!!!! Things are getting better.. ChiwiDad is slowly turning into an 'EGG' (White on the outside, yellow on the inside) and I guess we are finally accepting each other, that I cannot change him, immediately, hehehehe, but eventually, muahahahaha. Plus we finally accepted the fact that we are stuck together(this is our longest relationship EVER! My record was 6 months, his was 4 months), so there was a lot of getting use to.. and also there is no other way out.

SO ... Carpe diem! "Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow we die" :)


Simple American said...

Hiya. This is a Texas EGG. Though my missus is a Hongkie and not Malaysian. I tell people I'm half Chinese now as my Better Half is Chinese. And it is true to an extent. There are a few places I will always be an Ang Moh/Gwai-loh/whatevah you wanna call me. No matter how hard I try.

There was a time in the first year of marriage where the missus asked if I would get upset if in a few years if we just did not have sex. Scared the heck out of me then, seeing I was still in my prime. But that day still has not arrived after 20 years of marriage. If anything she is more frisky. I think birth control pills did something to her thinking back then. Now we don't use that and I think that may have changed her hormones in a good way. IMHO

So basically I'm saying just sit back and see what happens. As your body changes your attitude might also. Just my experience.

Your kids are cute. (As if you need me to mention. keke)

Jumpa lagi!

aida said...

i probably wont comment here cause your topic so interesting i am going to attach to my blog and give my 2 cents as a post.

Chiwi said...

Hi hi simple american, I've got a confession. Been stalking your blog for a while liao! hehehe I guess everything has it's ups and downs, without the downs, one wouldn't even know when the ups are there!

Aida : Can't wait to read it! :)

Simple American said...

I just caught you on my blog stat tracker thingie. And then I see me on your links. So I figure I better say howdy and link you back. Only polite lor?

Nice to meet you btw.

kimmysia said...

hallo.. long time no chat..
interesting post. catch up with you some other time ya.

Chiwi said...

Simple American, Hehehe.. no need to be so polite la, I've just put a link on my page so it's easier for me to get to your page mah.. doesn't mean you are obligated to link to me! hehe :) but thanks anyway.. Nice to meet you too lor! :p
Kimmy: Are you coming back for my brother's wedding?