Friday, August 05, 2005

Murphy's Laws of Parenting

1. The later you stay up, the earlier your child will wake up in the morning
2. For a child to become clean, something else must become dirty
3. Toys multiply to fill any space available
4. The longer it takes you to make a meal, the less your child will like it
5. Your child is always the one that doesn't behave
6. If the shoe fits, its expensive
7. The surest way to get something done is to tell a child not to do it
8. The gooier the food, the more likely it is to end up on the carpet
9. Backing the car out of the driveway causes your child to have to go to the bathroom
10. The more challenging the child, the more rewarding it is to be a parent sometimes
11. The chances of a piece of bread falling with the grape jelly side down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.
12. The garbage truck will be two doors past your house when the argument over "whose day it is to take out the trash" ends.
13. The tennis shoes you must replace today will go on sale next week.
14. Gym clothes left at school in lockers mildew at a faster rate than other clothing.
15. The item your child lost, and must have for school within the next ten seconds, will be found in the last place you look.
16. Sick children recover miraculously when the doctor enters the treatment room.
17. Refrigerated items, used daily, will gravitate toward the back of the refrigerator.
18. Your chances of being seen by someone you know dramatically increase if you drive your child to school in your robe and curlers.
19. Trying to dress an active little one is like trying to thread a sewing machine while it's running.
20. There are only two things a child will share willingly - communicable diseases and their mother's age.
21. Leaning your house while your kids are at home is like trying to shovel the driveway during a snowstorm.
22. Kids really brighten a household. They never turn off any lights.
23. An alarm clock is a device for waking people up, who don't have small kids.
24. Shouting to make your kids obey is like using the horn to steer your car and you get about the same results!
25. Any child can tell you that the sole purpose of a middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.
26. A child will not spill on a dirty floor.
27. A young child is a noise with dirt on it.
28. An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
29. Familiarity breeds children.
30. For adult education, nothing beats children
31. Having children is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain.
32. The best thing to spend on your children is time.
33. Those who say they 'sleep like a baby' haven't got one.
34. Summer vacation is a time when parents realize that teachers are grossly underpaid.
35. If you have trouble getting your children's attention, just sit down and look comfortable.

If I like it, It's MINE!
If it's in my hand, It's MINE!
It I had it a little while ago, It's MINE!
If it's MINE, it must never appear to be yours in any way!
If I'm doing or building something, All the pieces are MINE!
If it looks just like MINE, It's MINE!
If I think it's MINE, It's MINE!!!"


carboncopy said...

24. Shouting to make your kids obey is like using the horn to steer your car and you get about the same results!

Ah that is wisdom!

Chiwi said...

Hehehe.. I take it as you have kids of your own?!